Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
