go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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