Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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