Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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