I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
