I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
