I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
