my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
