I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
