She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
