You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
