Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
