my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
