My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
