Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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