you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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