So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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