So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
