We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
