his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
