Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
