My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
