He had one of those small greek statue penises
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
