Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
