Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
