Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Even my vagina gasped.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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