Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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