I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
