Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize