whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
