It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
