Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
