Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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