hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mom said you looked used
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
