a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
