We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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