i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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