So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
