I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
