He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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