I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He has the fingertips of a God
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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