I must be too annoying 4 u.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
