He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
