There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
