why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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