my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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