You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
