I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
