you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
