I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
