I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
