Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
