sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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