I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
