I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
