I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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