My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
only you would photoshop your dick
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tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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