Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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