accomplished twins. life is a go
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
