Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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