I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
