So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
