I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
