He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
