Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
