so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
