we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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