we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
