Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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