woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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