I want to walk on stilts...naked
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
