I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm really busy with my period
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