when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
