Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
