i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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