oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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