I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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