I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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