At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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