If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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