Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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