your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
