ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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