oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
