Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
