I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
