im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
