Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
